I see, yes, a lot of it though.

The entire time that I do feel the isolation from the people who previous were very grounded people of much sense, the entire time that it happens, it's not them. It's not who they are. It's not them doing it. It's just that they believe that Trump should be in prison for lying about losing an election and inciting a subsequent insurrection, (rather, as I've heard from government sources, an 'inciting an erection') after lying about stealing an election from Clinton after lying about getting spied on with illegal FISA warrants, after lying about how the main stream media was lying about him not telling as many lies as they say, and sometimes a video of Trump just saying a LITERAL FACT would trigger them to hurl insults. They believe that, normalize the fuck out of that. They believe all that and if I tell them that I think that the 2020 election could have been stolen, just like they did to me about the 2016 election, they will be very defensive and mad, very fast. It's not them. It's not them doing it.

It will mix with the other times I've been gaslit.
I just wish someone could gaslight me into feeling happy.
Like any long term relationship made sense in my entire life.
We're in this together.
I feel the same.

But, that happens when it's too late.
Always, when it's too late, 
With these things,
Usually.

Not today,
Coincidentally.
Today it's
Just that I know
I can not
Trust anybody
for long

And really trust them
To actually hear out and decipher 
What I mean, from what I'm superficially saying
Because I am conditioned to throw out and away other false conclusions.
If you never understood me in the first place, it makes your misquotes much more obvious.

Then, you tell me 'you said' - but something that doesn't sound like anything I would say.
Then, append to it a basic question for me to answer.

Now, I have to approach either you or me mis-remembering something before answering your question. Is it that? Is that so, though? Do you mean to gesture that you care about saying the quote unchallenged? I don't think you mean to say you care more about implicating the quote's accuracy *more* than me answering the question honestly. That must just be my own shadow, of course.

In the future, when a question is the reason for the discussion, and the question is about my feeling, when the question is posed you should know that the neighboring implications may become context to that question. Most of the time I can pretend that's not true and just move second to second because I don't fear false judgement, but with these particular people - being one's of poor judgement - I cant seem to explain the subtle demand avoidance I feel triggered into. I love them. But, now it just kinda looks like a fearful avoidant attachment. I don't trust them with how I feel if they can't just be adults and speak appropriately ever. I speak appropriately sometimes, and then often very vulgarly. But, I can also speak appropriately and honestly at the same time - which I don't actually feel like I receive*. I receive politeness and kindness from kings and queens with no clothes with stories of thread with no time, but very kind hearts and not the traditional rulers in tyranny. I wish I could talk to them.

*But I imagine I do.
❤️❤️❤️
This is the update.

Hull damage is still looking worse than last time, but the increase in the ship's capacity is improving it's overall flight abilities and characteristics. The crew is overwhelmed and deeply turned inside out, having remembered time backwards on re-entry, being stupified to infantile intellects remembering only the beginning of chronologies and forgetting last week. Glad no one forgot who they were. Or, we don't have any who have realized yet. Funny thing about the heart, it stores things too. It's what can allow this type of communication in the first place. Communication means travel as well, you know
the entire time that I do feel the isolation from the people who previous were very grounded people of much sense, the entire time that it happens,

I feel so crowded in such a lonely way.
I would rather hear any old group of intelligent people argue over anything at all, then be around people who will demand silence, to call for silence - or words, from another that is not of their own will.

One who reads the sentence preceding and still believes silencing of and within their own will is acceptable through justifying that 'their' is in reference to 'people' for one thing and 'another' for another, you will now read it is not and save yourself the embarrassment as the sentence does not actually justify 'people' demanding 'another's will to demand said 'another's silence or speech. You have been taught to gaslight yourself. You project that by gaslighting others. The unsteady grounding you feel coming to that conclusion was your heart. Every single lie is immoral, and measurable, and will be revealed. Even your brain knows that, but you lied to yourself - most likely - to feel like you knew what was going on.

If you read the sentence in question and are, at this moment, thinking you can still force your will of speech or silence onto another, although the logical suggestion is there - you would have to ignore the entire following context and be unmistakably exactly who I'm talking about doesn't understand how implications may become context to a question, posed to answer. So, make me laugh or gtfo, I'm dying over here. Shit, I mean, everything's running normally. *slaps hood*

I am loving my morning coffee.

Like, your heart was like 'oh no' and you just thought the conclusion and then that feeling went away.

You gaslit yourself just then.

Not me,

This time.